In honor of my one year anniversary at my current job, I’d like to share some things I’ve learned in the past year about etiquette in my office. In addition to never, ever googling “white cotton slip,” I’ve discovered a few other things I should never do at the office.
Disclaimer: I’m not as ditzy as I sound … just accident prone.
1. Swear.
2. Mention Greenpeace or any affiliation I may or may not have had with them in high school.
3. Ask if we can get vegan muffins instead of Panera bagels for staff meetings.
4. Stretch. This one comes with a brief illustration: I was ABSOLUTELY CONVINCED that I was the only person on my floor because it was 5:30 on a Friday afternoon and who would stay that late if they weren’t waiting for a very important fax like I was? I was getting antsy, wishing I could go outside, so I stood up and started stretching out. I used to be a ballet dancer, and I’m still pretty flexible, so I drew myself up into a very awkward-looking stretch that felt really good on my stiff muscles. At that moment a coworker walked into my office and saw Pretzel Girl standing there with my leg pulled up behind my head and my arms contorted. She was very weirded out. Oh, well. At least I wasn’t wearing a skirt.
5. Use sarcastic humor. Not everyone likes it.
6. Talk to telemarketers. Mostly because this usually includes #1 and #5.
7. Listen to Iggy Pop.
8. Google Iggy Pop.
9. Talk to more than three people on Gmail chat, even if it’s for work.
10. Especially when it’s for work.
11. Let myself get carried away with photoshop.
12. Show anyone the results of my getting carried away with photoshop.
13. Talk on my cell without making sure the intercom is turned off.
14. Discuss politics. Apparently the way I like to debate politics isn’t considered very “professional.”
15. Attempt to instigate my own “casual Friday.”
16. Sing absentmindedly. See #7.
17. Drink more than six cups of coffee.
18. Offer to take minutes for the staff meeting. It would seem my idea of note taking is more “free form” than most people like.
19. Offer to make coffee for the staff meeting. I like my coffee really strong, and on top of that, I haven’t used a “real” coffee maker in years (just my french press). Note to self: if coffee resembles syrup, it can stand to be watered down.
20. Assume I can read my boss’s handwriting.
All that said, I really love my coworkers and my job. My coworkers are gracious and the work is fun and (usually) fulfilling. Happy anniversary to me!
4 comments
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20 May, 2008 at 10:39 am
Jake
I can relate all too well to number 19. People don’t understand good coffee, and nobody would ever drink my Seattle’s Best or Starbucks in the office. They all preferred Folgers? Ditto on the French Press too!
Jake
*Sigh.* It’s hard not to get a superiority complex when all of your coworkers drink bad coffee, isn’t it?
21 May, 2008 at 11:44 am
Allison
I suspect each one of these learning experiences could be a very intertaining individual posts.
Regarding #18, that was very smart of you. This ensures you’ll never be asked to take minutes again. I didn’t know people ever actually offered to take minutes…I assumed this was always coerced.
Yeah, it was pretty dumb of me. I was new and trying to be a “team player.” I did however get out of it … and now there will be no coersion!
21 May, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Lynnette
Well, I think that #1, #3, #5, #9, and #17 may have accurately pinpointed why I don’t have any friends in the office…. And based upon my attachment to all 5, I doubt I’ll be getting any friends any time soon.
I will, however, brag that because I DO live in Seattle, even our “crappy” office coffee bears the blessed Starbucks logo. I suppose that makes me superior, huh? (Blast it, #5 again! I’ll never make friends…)
You should add that to the list of “reasons why Catie should move to Seattle.”
11 March, 2009 at 12:48 pm
As if they didn’t think I was weird enough. « For the Benefit
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