A warning to the women I love.

I have an odd sort of affection for Jessica Simpson.

Is she a whiny brat? Yes.  A bit of a tanorexic? Affirmative. Does she have unfortunate taste in men?

Oh, yeah.

But still, I’ve always sorted of liked her. I was a teen during the pop princess/boy band/Latin explosion of the late nineties, and she was (at the time) the least slutty of all the pop princesses (excepting perhaps Mandy Moore, who annoyed the heck out of me with that pout-thing that she does). But aside from that, I like that Jessica Simpson is generally pretty healthy-looking. Though she’s slender, she’s got strong arms, muscular legs and a womanly shape. She’s not a stick figure. If you’ve ever watched her reality show Newlyweds, as I’m ashamed to say I have, you know that she does in fact eat, but she also seems committed to staying fit.

And it shows. I give you exhibit A:

and exhibit B:

She looks healthy, no? Thin, yet not underfed. Well toned but not frighteningly muscly. Which is why the photos below from her recent performance at a chili cook-off made me sad:

Why would a woman subject herself to that pant/belt combination? I ask you: WHY? It’s enough to make all but the most waifish of figures look like they stayed in for the past four months, ate Little Debbies and watched soaps. (Methinks she might have done some of that anyway, but still, she is doing her otherwise attractive figure no favors.)

So let this be a lesson to all the women in my life whom I love: don’t mess with tight, high-waisted pants. Don’t do it. You could end up looking like this: